Review: Things I Wished I Knew Before We Got Married

Why do people get married?

For love? Companionship? Sex? Children? Selfish reasons?

Why do you want to get married?

Does being in love make us ignore the fact that our social, spiritual, and intellectual interests are miles apart?


Author: Gary Chapman | Publisher: Northfield Publishing |Genre: Relationships/Non-fiction| Page Number: 176 |Rating: 4.5

This book serves as a blueprint for singles, those in relationships, and those engaged to help you decide if you’re ready to tie the knot (or not) with your current or future partner.

How do you excel at marriage when you’ve spent little or no time discovering what marriage is about?. You can’t be 100% ready for the realities marriage has to offer but you can save yourself from strolling into marriage na├»ve.

So as you think of the country for your destination wedding, your dance moves, and wedding colours. Look up resources that can mentally start preparing you for your life after the “Big Day”

What I Liked

Issues Raised

In this book, he shares twelve things you need to know before marriage from his personal experience and those of couples he has counselled over the years. They are:

  1. Being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage
  2. Romantic Love has two stages
  3. The saying “Like mother, like daughter” and “Like father like son” is not a myth
  4. How to solve disagreements without arguing
  5. Apologizing is a sign of strength
  6. Forgiveness is not a feeling
  7. House chores aren’t gender specific
  8. A Family financial plan is a must create
  9. Mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic
  10. You’re marrying into a family
  11. Spirituality is not to be equated with “going to church”
  12. Personality profoundly influences behavior

It’s amazing how each chapter ends with questions and activities for you and your partner. Think of it as a smaller level of Pre-marital counselling.


In this part of the world, you’re “ripe” for marriage as a woman regardless of the you’re age as long as you have a bachelor’s degree and have served your country Nigeria. From when we’re old enough to differentiate between right and wrong we are taught how to keep a home and a man is taught how to “hustle” to sustain the home. We think we have it all figured out so we spend all our time developing our careers and excelling greatly at them.

You find women who are frustrated by men who aren’t willing to settle down yet for reasons best know to each individual.

There’s more to marriage than what we were raised to believe. Spend time discovering and reading. You can’t have it all figured out but you’d have more understanding and appreciation of your union.

What I’m Not Sure of

Chapter 3: Like mother like daughter, like father like son. I agree and disagree. This isn’t always the case, sometimes (if not most) we are a combination of both parents

Chapter 8: Money matters whether to have a joint account or not. This is solely dependent on the couple. There’s no fixed template for how this should work

Final Thoughts

It’s not how fast you get married, but how well you’re able to build and sustain it


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4 thoughts on “Review: Things I Wished I Knew Before We Got Married

  1. I do not know much about Marriage and as much as I want to be married, I can tell that I am not ready.

    So, do you have the soft or hard copy of this book? I would like to start with this book and go from there.

    1. Same here sister, I’m not ready as well.. This book was clearly and eye opener.
      I’ll look for the soft copy for you. I got the hard copy from a friend and I’ve returned it.
      Thanks for your honest response

  2. I read this book and I loved it . Apology languages was my fav part cos I never really thought people prefer different ways of apologizing

    1. Oh yeah, that was another eye opener as well. It’s a bit hard to determine a person’s language though at least to me.
      Thanks for sharing darling

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