What Don’t You Like About Yourself? 

After so much anticipation, I finally watched Kemi Adetiba’s “King Women” series. If you haven’t watched it yet, catch the full scoop HERE I binge watched 10 episodes and each one loaded with wisdom, loads of it. Looking forward to watching more episodes. Contrary to popular belief (or not), it’s not a series on a “feminist approach to life” or something just women will benefit from.

I’ve decided to whip up a series of blog posts documenting a few things that still resonates within me from each episode. I certainly can’t  write everything I was keen about; it will take a couple of years so let’s save ourselves the wait. In no particular order:

Episode 5: TY Bello

I’ve always loved her like I love Oprah: From afar. I don’t follow her life’s via social media but when anything about her catches my eye or strolls by my ear, I’m filled with awe. Her hair’s to die for, some of us are hiding our stunted growths with haircuts, lol just kidding.

There’s so much I didn’t know about TY Bello before watching her interview. As much as I could relate to her experiences, I found it quite astonishing that it took her 20 years to like her voice. She just believed it was too manly and lacked the feminine finesse. That’s a long time if you ask me. I’ve always loved her voice though but what I found mind boggling was despite her hatred for her voice, why did she keep singing? Of course, there’s no way she’d stop talking because she’s not dumb but she had a choice to either stop singing or continue. So why did she keep on keeping on?

That made me think of the things I don’t like about myself. I tell people “I don’t like my writing “. I don’t think my writing’s “all that “. I always felt something was missing but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Many times, I’d avoid writing so I don’t have to check it. That’s why I hated writing essays back in school. I never reviewed them so I got lesser marks than I would’ve because of punctuation or spelling errors. Yeah it was that bad, believe me.

When I started my blog, I always needed a second opinion before I hit the publish button. Why? I thought my writing didn’t make sense. Many posts are buried 6ft below the draft folder just because I don’t think “it’s all that”. I wrote a short story in 2015 which I’ve refused to edit because I’m not just in love with my writing. Sometimes I take a stroll down memory lane to my early blog posts here and here to see how much I’ve grown and appreciate my journey more.

Another thing, she thought she was ugly, and hard like cement. She saw every girl as a beautiful flower and because she had been a victim of child abuse, she felt she was no longer a flower. She felt ugly.

I dunno who else can relate to this but I always thought I was ugly for 22years of my life. I hear that every girl’s first love is her Dad. Love is one of God’s gift to the world that I’m beginning to understand which the world has made seem so shallow. I dunno what it was about me that constantly irritated him, his actions towards me translated into the self-esteem issues I have battled with over the years. I just never felt like I was good enough, Dad never thought so. I thought I was ugly that’s why he didn’t love me like other Dads love their daughters. I hated mirrors, I didn’t want to catch a glimpse of my reflection. To those who know me and think I have beautiful skin, believe me when I say I’ve never seen it that way. It’s not pride, I just had a rough time growing up so many scales caked my eyes.

What Has Changed? 

Honestly, I feel like TY Bello was speaking to my soul. Salvation was the turn around for her. The end of her feeling hideous, accepting that God still sees her like a flower. So what does she do with photography? She captures that part of your body you’re most insecure about and makes you see the beauty in it. Her mission is to open your eyes to the beauty of you without caked makeup, Photoshop, light room and other photo editing apps.

For me, it started with forgiving my father. Letting go of the anger I felt and understanding that I’ve always had an Almighty Father that loved me beyond human understanding and has never stopped but I was drenched in my pain to notice. So I consciously started working on myself and let’s just say my father shows me off right now and is proud of the woman I’m blossoming into. Something I would’ve loved growing up but everything does happen for a reason.

Then I started to love mirrors, if you know me well now you know I’m constantly checking myself out. Call me vain but you can’t understand expect you’ve walked 1 minute in my shoes, you can only imagine. I see the beauty now and I don’t understand why it took me this long to see it even though, I haven’t seen it completely yet.

My writing? Well, I’m growing to like it. I’m still not at the love stage yet but I’m getting more confident about my writing at least I renew my vows with the draft folder every now and then.

This reminds me of the creation story in the book of Genesis. There was perfection in everything God created; His creation pleased him. So I ask, what don’t you like about yourself?

I’m not talking about your vices. I’m talking about your talents, your skills that you probably don’t see that way yet or yourself (maybe a body part)? Is there a story to it?

What’s your story? I’ve shared mine, one that I’ve locked up for years.

What are your thoughts?